(Not a confession, I guess I just need advice or somewhere to spill my thoughts.)
So, I’ve noticed how one way others try to invalidate the identities of non-binary people is by saying that we all “just need to grow up”. As an androgynous genderqueer person, this makes me feel absolutely terrible because I actually do suffer quite a bit from Peter Syndrome.
Growing up, there was never much of a question about my gender. There was time when I was 5-6 where I’d openly admit to wanting to be a boy, because I liked doing stereotpyical “boy things” and hated being left out or treated certain ways because I was seen as a girl. But the fact was, I didn’t actually feel like a boy so finally I just accepted that I was a girl; afterall that’s what the whole world told me I was, based on my body and since I didn’t actually feel like a boy, I figured that made me a girl and that was that. There was no other choice in the matter, there was nothing else I could be.
It wasn’t even until 3 years ago that I started to learn about genders outside the binary. When I first read about it, it just clicked. Though it wasn’t until a few months ago that I moved from confusion and questioning to coming to terms with what I am.
I also never experienced any body dysphoria until I hit puberty. I hate just about everything that’s happened to my body since then. Not just growing breasts and menstruating (though those are the worst) but even just ovulating grosses me. I also hate my body hair and always feel like I need to shave everywhere even if it might just make me look more female. I just can’t stand having it, it feels so uncomfortable and gross to me. It’s not even because of the way society views female-bodied people who don’t shave but it’s just how I feel (I even shave in places no one is going to see).
I am such a child at heart. I’ve basically hated growing up ever since I was as young as 11. I feel I’d be lying if I said this case of Peter Pan Syndrome I have didn’t have at least something to do with my identity. And so when people say that we need to just grow up, I feel awful because maybe it’s true for me. I know it’s not true for all genderqueers, so I feel like I’m giving a bad name to others. It makes me feel like I’m wrong for calling myself one when maybe I should just grow up.
But I can’t… calling myself a woman (or a man) has just never felt right and I can’t make it feel right no matter what I do.
I just don’t know. Am I wrong for identifying as genderqueer? Should I just grow up and try to be a woman?
DON’T YOU EVEN DARE TRYING TO GROW UP I REFUSE TO ALLOW IT GROWING UP IS NOT ALLOWED OKAY DO NOT TRY TO BE A WOMAN IF YOU’RE NOT ONE YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN DECIDE IF GENDERQUEER IS THE RIGHT IDENTITY FOR YOU OR NOT DON’T LET THE H8RZ GET YOU DOWN BECAUSE THEY WILL TRY BUT I REFUSE TO ALLOW IT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE UP OR TO TRY TO BE A WOMAN JUST BECAUSE SOCIETY TELLS YOU THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE fuck societal norms, for real. And you know what, in regards to the shaving thing, same here. I hate body hair, I can’t stand it on anyone. I know I’d shave even if I was biologically male, because you know what, armpit hair and leg hair is gross to me especially when there’s deodorant stuck in it like what, disgusting Anyways. Keep on being genderybenderyqueery or whatever you choose to identify as. And adults are lame and put down everything anyone under the age of 26 says, they forget that it sucks to be a kid so they undermine our problems. Don’t become like that. Growing up is fine, so long as you’re always a kid at heart, ya know what I’m saying? :)323) Apparently being a femmy guy automatically makes you gay. News to me.
I am so sick of this. Do I REALLY have to dress, talk and act like every bro on the planet to fit in? There’s no wiggle room? Don’t assume I’m gay, because I’m fucking femmy. I’m not mad that I’m called gay, I’m mad that people make assumptions like that. Don’t assume I’m gay, straight or bi, ASK ME if it matters that much to you.
I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated that people think they know MY gender identity/sexual orientation better than me.
